I haven't sat down to write on here in a while. My main outlet has been my Instagram page (most of you reading this would have come from there), but even with that it can be limited once you hit the maximum letters permitted in a caption. It seemed fitting to switch platforms and pen a lengthy note for those up for a bit of reading.
The two posts below give a brief insight of where I was 8 months ago, lost yet hopeful, and battling manipulative thoughts that were urging me to pick up booze again. At 6 months sober a part of me was still wrestling with the idea of drinking 'just once more' and it's taken some fucking work to come to a point of pure comfort with the idea of eternal sobriety. Now with just over a year under my belt, thoughts about drinking don't haunt me anymore nor do I wish to be a 'normal' drinker, but with this being said I'm familiar with the dangers of complacency and I remain fully aware that self-work never stops, recovery included.
In many ways I am still the same soul but boy this human experience of mine has taken a turn. My thirst for spiritual freedom has led me on an arduous but rewarding journey. The creativity I wanted to unearth has been spouting out of me in so many ways and I owe that to finally letting myself BE.
Each time I put my mind to something, the default of my brain is to provide me with a list of invalid reasons and excuses as to why I shouldn't see it through (under the pretense of protection), but that's exactly what I've been fighting against for the past year with all my might and I can assure you, persistence and self-belief make all the difference! I feel warmth in my heart when I read back words that I wrote whilst going through moments of uncertainty because it cements the fact that things do get better, regardless of what you might believe at the time.
Unfamiliar habits have become a new normal, old habits are now dust in the desert of my past, a concept I never thought possible.
Change is the only constant in life and since I last wrote on this blog my relationship of 3 years ended, I moved back in with my family, I started a new job, I started a business, I celebrated one year of sobriety (and got a 'Teetotal' tattoo to mark the occasion), friendships ended, new friendships were made, I had my sexual awakening, I learnt what loving hard means, I lost, I cried etc, but I continue to learn from these experiences and welcome any situation that can assist me in being a stronger individual. My sobriety in particular remains one of my proudest achievements and a life purpose of mine is to keep the conversation surrounding it going. I credit a big part of my self-development to recovery because without it, I wouldn't be any closer to the person I aspire to be.
This cathartic process of reflecting and documenting my quest as I plod along means a lot to me, I also do what I do in the hope that I can help someone out there know that they have a say in how their life goes. It's never too late to make alterations and whether you realise it or not, each passing moment the Universe hands you choices that can motivate you to do better and stay the course (despite setbacks), or you manifest choices that will keep you stagnant for as long as you allow. We don't always take advantage of the former options because our comfort zone loves to keep us all to itself, wrapped up nice and warm in a cosy mental prison.
"What you focus on, you create more of"
My tendencies to postpone and delay were a defining part of my identity for a very long time and it did me no good, I had to cut the shit. The only thing that works for me is to execute instantly and not wait for a specific time set by society or until I'm 'ready'. The band-aid must come off once the itching starts. This year I don't have any outlandish resolutions, everything I want to get done I started putting into motion well over 23 days ago. I've been setting my intentions for the past 12 months and beyond. By continuously educating myself, raising my frequency, living my truth, sharpening my self-awareness and staying connected to Universal Energy, I will surely succeed.
If there's anything I want to execute this year and yonder, it's to keep challenging my mindset and set out to be my own inspiration!